Following a gnarly breakup several years back, the fabric of my heart unraveled into a million pieces of loose and lackluster string. The kind a kitten gets tangled in. Strangled in.
Soft fabric and cuddly kittens feel like pure love. Which is pretty much the exact opposite of what a horrible breakup feels like. A healthy relationship/(being in LOVE) can feel like the grandeur of life force itself. The pure entity of existence. Like the most magnificent mountain known to man. It's the kind of beauty where horses frolick freely, fairies dance in dewdrops, and description of the magic lacks literary justice. This majestic plane is the landscape of a heart in love. A pulsing, beating, throbbing breakbeat symphony of ecstasy. A living marvel, larger than life itself.
But a breakup. Ohhhh. A breakup feels like taking that majestic marvel-- and with one, icy, double-dog stare, turning it into a massive tomb of stone. It feels like a pickax has been taken to the stony surface, which used to be your heart, and gouged a gargantuan crack in it. A crack that breaks all the way into the center of the earth. Down into the depths of the underworld. Where the demons fly out. And take over.
Not to be overly dramatic or anything. ;)
But we've all been there, right?
Heartbreak, as lonesome and painful and horrid as it is, is part of nature. It's definitely part of the human experience. In fact, probably an essential one.
We are shaped by our experiences. As we feel the emotions of our experiences, our brains and bodies re-pattern themselves, accordingly. As living, human entities, we are always in a constant feedback loop of taking in and interpreting outside information. We ingest the stimulating info of outside sources, internalize it, and then face (or brace) the world in our newfound armor.
When we're happy and in love, wearing our rose tinted glasses, the warm tingles and bounce in our step aren't contrived. They're a natural response to our perception of reality, at the time.
When we've been struck by the thunder cloud of heartache, or heartbreak, those rosy shades go shattering into a million pieces. And it's healthy to acknowledge sad and mad feelings. Feel them. Allow yourself to wallow. FOR A MINUTE.
The trick is not getting stuck. Which, admittedly, can be really challenging not to do. But what happens when you DO get stuck? What happens when you find the remains of your heart in a million broken pieces, getting lost in the corners with dust-bunnies, when you've attempted to sweep up the remains, and failed?
--> You seek help.
--> You seek beauty.
--> You search for ways to trick the mind into learning something new.
Learning something new is one of the fastest ways to retrain your brain and repattern your physiology, literally giving you a new, embodied experience in life. That's what we're going for. Moving past the brokeness. Rebuilding a new embodied experience. Eventually putting on some new rose tinted sunnies.
Okay. So HOW? Who do you seek help from? Where is this magical helping hand?
Well, if you're anything like me, you might have some hangups with conventional therapy. This is not to say I'm against it. Talk therapy with an excellent therapist can be massively beneficial, under the right circumstances. But what if you're searching for more?
What if you know that you need to change the actual feedback loop between your body and your brain? When just talking about it isn't going to be enough?
Only what if you're still too depressed and wallowing in your story, of being stuck and broken, to go for a run, dance, move, or actively do something about it? What then?
You find alternatives. You educate yourself and learn something new.
You can do this a lot of different ways. Sign up for a class. Download a free app to learn a new language. Go to a museum, on a small trip, or vacation. Visit with a good friend and have a belly full of laughs, while you compete in a knitting contest for creating the silliest tea cozy ever. You get the idea. Do something out of the ordinary. Do something new.
I get it. Sometimes it's challenging to pick yourself up and get back out there, to embrace life with a smile again. Sometimes your brain gets stuck in a re-run rut, reliving old memories (both good ones & bad.)
To break an old habit, it's essential to replace the pattern/habit/memory with something NEW. This is how your brain creates new neural pathways. This is why we practice. It's the practice part that will create change. It's gonna get you out of your slump.
Our memories and patterns aren't only stored in our brain cells. They're stored in our neuro-muscular cells, as well. In our fascia. In our endocrine and glandular systems. In our subtle-body systems, too. That's why movement (dance, yoga, running, etc) and modalities such as acupuncture are helpful for creating change.
All that said, I never in a million years would have thought to look for help from a love coach. I didn't even know that was a field of expertise which existed. Until one of my best friends became one.
While digging myself out of that dark heartbreak hole, several years back, I had the fortuitous opportunity to be introduced to a whole slew of stellar love coaches. I share this information, not to say this is how you should, or should not heal your own heart, on the chance it gets broken. But to impart information and resources which may in fact, be helpful and/or new.
If the sound of a love coach comes across as too woo woo, or rubs you the wrong way, I invite you to step outside judgement, for just a minute. Below, I've compiled a short list of 5 holistic love coaches, who truly do have helpful strategies to share. Listen to their messages. Because these ladies KNOW about how to make embodied connections. Starting with healing the heart. (Your life force. Your cuddly kitten, majestic mountain.)
May this be useful, if you find yourself in need.
And even if you don't, here's a little introduction to a few ladies who may have been outside your radar.
1. Dawn Maslar www.dawnmaslar.com
2. Jaqueline Marie www.thesouloflove.com
3. Marcy Neumann www.heartshiftcoach.com
4. Channa Bromley www.channabromley.com
5. Bex Burton www.bexburton.com